I really don't know.

  I'm lost. in a sphere, a pretty big one. No corners to hide, no exits to slide into. Hello, can anyone hear me ? I'm scared. Bring me back to him. He's waiting for me. He's asking for an assurance. What if I wont get out ? I wouldn't want him to wait. It's a long way and it would only cost him pain. I don't want to see him cry. But he's waiting for me. Someone help me, help me get out of here. It's not dark but it still feels lonely. I'm scared. I have been crying. There's no tissues around to sob it away. Is this a sleep paralysis ? Someone help me. A ladder, please ? A tiny hole ? Someone, anyone, help me. help us.

Ya Allah ya tuhanku, help us.

 I'm not sure what I want to talk about. I just feel like I should update something. There's actually a motherlode of things I would love to let out, but I don't know who to tell. They say God is always there for you so no need to complain when you're alone. God will always listen.

 But hey, there's a reason why God decided to put a bunch of us human beings on one planet. There's a reason why God decided to let us communicate with each other using our mouths and other insignificant dirty things. There's a reason why God let us have friends, lovers and well, counsellors ? lol.

Everyone needs a buddy.

  A cool person would proclaim that one have heard such a song before it got famous. A cooler person would tell that person to get their hipster genitals somewhere else because everyone deserves to know. But the coolest person would be the one to just shut the fuck up and enjoy the good music they find.

  I feel like I want to punch myself with a fist armed with a cluster of authentic Yves Saint Laurent arty rings. That would be almost heavenly appropriate, while heaven itself is boiling in the broth of unknownness on the back of my head. It's exhausting, it's almost heart-aching and it sends me into a place I myself rather not set my foot on. But I don't have a choice. Horses on lines, audiences on them decks and here I am watching them go. Go as they sail away into those grass fields. Them grass fields that remind me of those good old days when I need not to think about all of this. On Moon cycles I would assure myself that such a situation is indeed normal. Bridges of shits and ultra nonsense would start building these little things in my head called 'hopes'. Like it's not so bad after all. But I just can't take it. I don't want to think about any of these. No black socks, no hairy legs. nothing.

  If nothingness was a choice, to be obliterated in a cute second without any pain and nothing to pay, then nothingness it is that I would choose. Not this.

If I had a choice, it would never be this.

What People Think I Do

sorry for the lack of update. ;_;;

Pierce.

A sketch I did this morning. I'm making myself draw guys and guys because I just suck at anatomy and proportion, especially on males.

Artjam: 1.0

A quick update of some drawings I did for today's artjam that I had with my lovely ex-schoolmates. We had always done artjams when we were in high school and yeah, it was fun.

 Theme: Red Riding Hood.

 Theme: Queens with Turbans.

Theme: Guitars

hope you guys liked it !

10 best songs from 2011.

  Before I start on the list, let me just say that the songs that I'm listing here aren't guaranteed to be produced/debuted in 2011. They're just a bunch of songs that I discovered on 2011 and pretty much dangled on both of my ears throughout 2011. Do put in mind that this is MY list and hence, people may disagree. I loved, hearted, probably feel asleep listening to these songs and they still haunt me.

10. Zee Avi - Concrete Wall

 "You say that I need therapy,
Well my darling so do you,
Don't need for you to tell me,
What is wrong in all I say or I do"

(The boom schlack-clack is so haunting. And it's a cute sad song.)

9. Foster the People - Waste

"I'll hold your hand when you're feeling mad at me,

When the monsters they wont go,

The windows they wont close,

I'll pretend to see what you see"

(First song I heard from these peeps and yes, got hooked up. Love how they arrange everything abt the song.)

8. Laura Marling - Night After Night

"Night after night,
Day after day,
Would you watch my body weaken,
My mind drift away ?"

(The song pretty much sums up what I used to feel and still do at times. So much perfection.)

7. Kimbra - Good Intent

"You know you shouldn't be there but it's way past bed,
There's comfort in the fingers of your good intent,
You know you shouldn't be there but your money's all spent,
You've got your reputation and your good intent"(Didn't even know that a song could be this good. The music is amazing and if sarcasm had a sound, this would be it.)
6. Feist - Caught A Long Wind

"Caught a long wind,
A long life wind,I got to know the sky,
But it didn't know me,Got to see the light,
And land on top of the sea"(Favourite track off the amazing album. Makes me want to climb up trees.)
5. Coeur de Pirate - La Petite Mort

Car si l’on me perd,
c’est seulement pour rester la tienne,
Et au creux de ses bras, la mort nous bercera,(Loved the translation and never has a song made me feel so sad without me understanding a thing.)

4. Young the Giant - Islands

"Five days,
Underwater,
Near your island,
Off the coast"

(The groove, the lonesome lyrics just give me chills. Amazing.)

3. Lana Del Rey - Off to the Races

"I’m your little scarlet, starlet,

Singing in the garden,

Kiss me on my open mouth,

Ready for you"

(Just when I thought Born To Die was near to perfection, this song came in.)

2. Yuna - Fears & Frustrations

"We spend so much time, Looking into each others' eyes,Getting to know each others' lies,Overlooking reality"(The music is heavenly orgasmic, and the siren just grabs you into the song.)

1. Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - PON PON PON

"PON PON WEI WEI WEI

PON PON WEI PON WEI 

PON PON"

(do I need to say more ? LOL)

  I really hope that you guys liked the playlist. I know some might have thought that Yuna could have been the first one looking at me being 200% biased at her. But hehe, PON all the way. Anyway, I had always loved sharing things and so yeah, here I am doing it. I really do hope that you guys do listen to at least a friggin' song LOL cause god knows how long it took to do this list. Hope you guys liked it !
Do tell me which is your favourite :-p

Comic Fiesta 2011

   After millions of pixels drawn and erased endlessly on the screen for all things artsy and colourful, I finally finished all of my stuffs to be sold at Comic Fiesta'2011. And then there was it, day 1.

  Heard that day 1 was horrible to some people. KLCC management was horrible, they sold out tickets when there were still customers waiting to enter, some had to wait for horus just to enter and me having the booth tag Iguess Ididn't know how bad it was. I really felt sorry for them and based from this video, damn what a bad day. Day 2 was supposedly better than, I heard.




  Had to go there by train and I missed the 8AM train literally by only a couple of minutes so I was destined to be late. I had always been. Finally arrived and there were so many people already. I can feel the otaku in my struggling to come out already and that feeling I get when there's just so much of creativity floating around is just priceless. Comic Fiesta had always made me feel like I belonged somewhere. *ohsodeep*

Anyway, other than having the chance to meet all of these lovely people all again from last year like Ira, and the Megane Kissus, Kak Nabs, Kak Irisu, etc I also got to meet A LOT of sweet and nice supporting people. They were nice to talk to, very inspiring and so supportive ! I was literally doused with too much of sweet and kind words I was really going to faint. I felt really small to be around these talented people arrrhhh. Thank youuuuuuu guys for everything ;_;;

 Tadaa ! Our booth. I was selling paper children, prints and live commissions ! The sale wasn't that okay but at least I got some kachings left for me to spend. A lot of people  passed by the booth by idk what happened hahaha. okay not funny.

 Oh, I wanna thank to those who came to the booth. I really, really appreciate you guys' support ! I really didn't expect you guys to buy all of my stuffs and didn't even expect to see you guys ! I even saw a junior from my school who I had never talked to before but she seemed to know me anyway so yeah, thank you for stopping by, lol. And thanks to the BRPians, Anas (really had a good time catching up with you), Aisyah, Iman (the sandwiches were tasty !), Raqib, Alicia ! and etc. Hell, Raqib even bought some of my stuffs hahaha, wth you guys are too nice !  Thank you guys so much for everything. I was frowning about the stupidest thing that I forgot about the most beautiful thing. So thank you ! *ohsodeepagain*

And to the purchases, well this year I burnt a lot of cashes on commissions and I mean A LOT.

 Before you guys cringe on the sight of these commissions/request, let me just clarify that I did not expect them to be this many. I just went on from booth to booth asking people to draw Sheila, my oc and then bam! I overspent. I should probably cry out a bank now. (One of them was a drawing I did. You're cool if you know which one it is, hehe)  ;_;; 

 Anyway, it was fun while it lasted. I had a great time with great people so yeah, can't wait for next year ! Again, I want to thank you guys endlessly. Those who supported the booth, those who came and said hi, those who were hot and cosplayed really well, and even those who even smiled at us ! Thank you so much ;_;;

   And suddenly, everything is on doses of accelerated learning and acne-producing studying up to the point where everyone in the class will probably have a library or two protruding on top of their heads any day now. Everyone's so high on bubble teas and other states' papers but me and for that, I feel the need to stone myself to death. I really, need to make myself study instead of bawling to the foods prepared by shows on the tele.

I really just want everything to finish and be done. And I want to do it gracefully.

   In ten years when you look back at this time, you're not going to be thinking about the clubs you belonged to or the parts you had. You will be thinking about the friends you had and the one you just tossed aside.

                                                                                          - Kurt Hummel, Glee S3

MLIA 3: Basikal Pixie.

p/s: ni hanyalah utk berjenaka lewat malam sahaja jadi harap tak orang2 berkenaan tak kisah ^__^

Eid Fitr.

  

  Salam Aidil Fitri people ! Not sure if there is such a thing as a regular reader here but well, after nearly a week in two of my kampungs, I'm finally back here in Sg.Buloh. Raya was okay I guess even though I wouldn't really call it Raya since the only things that I did was eating, sleeping, complaining about how hot Malaysia is, Kung-Fu fought countless of mosquito and maybe a little bit of half-ass studying. But you know, what I really love about Raya is actually these quality time you spend with your family on these little things like laughing at funny old Malay Kampung names or pondering about who ate the last Kuih Raya. I didn't get that much of duit Raya though, as expected and I actually finished reading After Dark after thousands of nights not wanting to finish it.

This year's Raya I didn't get myself any Baju Melayu so I wore my little brother's one  from last year and it fits nicely, I suppose. Qaseh got her first Baju Kurung ever made by my mom and yeah, everybody strutted whatever they brought back from home. Had this ancient Swatch that my mom gave me years ago and also this Gladiator sandal that I got off from I don't even remember the shop's name. In case you were wondering, yes I took the most to take off my sandals when it comes to visiting relatives. ~`*~Fa$hion ViCt1m~*`~

We were like the only family out of like eight families that went back to our Kampung on the first day so yes, I didn't get that much of money and there wasn't a lot of things to do there. It was either you dehydrate in front of the television waiting for something less boring to happen or you half-assly study something and forget about it 5 minutes later. Well, at least that was how things were back at the Kampung. I also of course ate and ate a lot up to the point where I might even morph into a freakin' buffet table. Everything was delicious.

 Anyways, we had this bad habit of unconciously matching our shirts and whatnot with all things Kampung back there. You could say that it was pretty interesting but once you realize that you're unintentionally wearing pink WHILE riding a pink scooter around the kampung, then you would want to think twice. Yikes.

     Excuse, the circa 2008  Myspace pouting but here's me matching with my aunt's scooter. Rode around the rice fields feeling like I was shooting a low budget music video for a cause until I realize that I matched with the scooter. I truly feel sorry for them locals because it must be really hard to process such an experience to put into their drawers of experiences. Whoops.

               I also found out that I had a super long, lost cousin and she's like the same age as me too. She likes exactly like her mother but with a touch of tan and copper perhaps ? I kid. but yeah, it was a little bit awkward especially since me and my brother matched with her house's stair. Double yikes, anyone ?

 Well, I think that is all from me. I didn't expect the post to be this short but if I really am out of ideas on what to blabber on anymore. I'm sorry for the shitty quality of the pictures since all of them are taken from the phone and well, good luck to those that are taking their trial next week ! :-)

To indulge into gluttony 24/7.

Can't believe that it's going to be Eid Fitr already in just a couple of days. Not to say that I'm a mood killer for  celebrations but I'm not THAT excited for this year's celebration. Trial papers will be popping up as soon as our Eid holiday ends like mushrooms after a milky shower of rains which means that I'll be creeping into some random room in each kampung for the whole week cramping up boring and sleep-provoking text books. Ya know, the only thing I like about raya is that I can finally devour food and snacks galore 24/7 without having to wait for iftar. I mean, I don't even get that much of ang paos each year and I'm just socially awkward to even mingle around with relatives or whatever.

It is however going to be Qaseh's birthday on the first of Syawal and yes mine was on the first of Ramadhan :-p With her now knowing how to properly use those two lower limbs for all things support and locomotion, she just never stops moving around. Anyway, I'm sorry for the non-existence of any fancy Eid fitr-related picture for this but, Selamat Menyambut Aidil Fitri !:-p

EDIT: I remembered why I like Raya. It's the SHOPPPING for it. More on that on later posts, if you guys ever cared :-p

You're gonna have to reword every metaphor you'd use
So that people who are hearing aren't confused.

                                                       Everyway, Circa Survive.

5 Years As A Shah Nadhir.

 I'm sorry for the horrible lack of sleeping-pills-imitating posts for these few months. I have been super busy with everything from copying schoolwork from a classmate to whining about a paralleled line of acnes but I will make a collage or something later on as a blogpost or whatever about that. Anyways, it's the first of August which means it's the first day of Ramadhan this year ! I may not be the brightest muslim you will ever bump to but still, happy fasting to you guys ! and it's also my birthday today and I decided to work on something for the blog, and yeah here's a little time warping session on how I was from the 13yo me to today's me. Or, at least these are how I thought I was. I hope you guys have fun reading.

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      I guess that is all, hope you guys liked it and yeah, I haven't done this kind of meme/whatever for a very long time. Feels nice to get back to the artsy fartsy roots. Anyways, I want to say thank you to those who had wished for me on facebook/twitter/whatever,  and to my awesome classmates for the cute card. Till then, thank you for reading again and happy fasting !

MLIA 2: Rambut Pendek.

delicately stolen from the very much interesting bodohgila.

                               And I know that nothing's going to change that hopeless feeling
                                  I get when you say you'll understand and I know you cant.
                                                                                               Dyed In The Wool, Circa Survive.

Jantung Belah Kanan ?

Mom: Along, ada ke jantung belah kanan ?
Me: Ada tak silap. Hari tu Along tengok cerita Ninja Assassin.
Me: Ada perempuan tu jantung dia belah kanan.
Mom: ...Oh, Mama tengah tengok cerita Ninja Assassin lah ni.
Me: LOL.